Do I need to get married, now?

According to hadits HR. Tirmizi, An Nasai and Ibnu Majah, I summarized (CMIIW), one of those who Allah will grant their wishes to be married is one of those who needs to be married.

I am 27, old enough to get married and I want to be married.

The question is, do I need it?

I am female, 27 years old, who live in Jakarta, work for a developing company, with well I can say, nice monthly payment. I can feed myself and treat myself to travel abroad (so far, around Asia only) once or twice a year. I have my own car and my company grants me a housing loan. I am not rich but insyaALLAH, financially secured. Do I want a husband to feed me? I do. Do I need a husband to feed me? Nah…

I am female, working as geologist. I work with fellow geologists, geophysicists and engineers. Most of them are males. Some of them are my good friends. Friends I hang out with -watching movies, going karaoke or traveling, or others- and friends who I can ask for help and who will help me when I need a favor. I feel secured around them. And I also feel secured by myself. I run my errands, take my car to the service station every five thousands kilometer, go to the clinic when I get sick, do this and do that by myself. I’m fine with that and I’m proud of myself for that. I don’t need husband, only to make me feel secured.

I now live with my sister. She also works in Jakarta. There was time when I felt empty every time I went home, because there was no family welcoming me home and no one asking how my day was going. But now I have her. Before, I like had thousand things to do before going home, now I just want to go home as soon as I can, to meet her, to ask her how her day was going. We talk, we smile, we laugh and sometimes we argue. I’m happy living together with her. So, I don’t need a hubby to do this either.

Of course I want to get married. Of course I want to have my own family. Of course I want to live in a house surrounded by smiles and laughs from my hubby, my kids, and me. But I guess, now, I just don’t need it yet.

Well, I don't know when I will need to be married. Maybe, when I need to share everything of me with someone else and to accept every difference we may have. To change “I” to “we”, “mine” to “our”. I guess from his assessment, Allah thinks now I’m still too selfish to have that.

my twenty seven

This is September, my month of birthday. I blew candles and had some lunches and dinners with family and friends. I’m surrounded by happiness.

Thank you all for the wishes, for the cake, for the present and for having great time with me on my birthday and birth month :p

Thank you, Papa, for taking us to a fancy dinner. It was a super great night that I will always remember. When we were at home in Balikpapan, Papa barely took us out for a dinner, but that night was different. Not only we went out for it, but also we went to a quite fancy restaurant and had seafood for our dinner. There was no gulai cancang or gulai limpa or rendang involved :p

Thank you, you, even though you did it awkwardly and hesitantly, beside my family, you were mmm kinda the first person who greeted happy birthday to me in the early morning. And also thanks for the singing ;)

Thank you, RAB, for your email. The fact that you still remember it, flattered me. Above all ups and downs we’ve been through, I’m glad we’re still friends.

I was like hoping nothing for this twenty seven, but you guys really gave me a blast birthday.

THANK YOU!

Something Borrowed

I can’t choose to whom I’ll be attracted to, but the choice to be more involve and let my self fall in love or simply let the feeling go and be faithful to my partner, keep my relationship safe, is in my hand  –my ex crush, 2010–

The thought that he tried to share me is quite similar with the story in my latest favorite novel, Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin.

Disclaimer: the following sentences contain spoiler, please stop reading if you intend to read or haven't finished reading this novel.

Dex liked Rachel since they were still law school students. Eventhough Rachel liked him also, she - assuming herself as regular and unattractive, considering him as way out of her league-  thought that he was just being nice. She refused the possibility of them being more than friends. Instead, she introduced her bestfriend, a beautiful and confident Darcy to Dex, leaving him with a conclusion that Rachel had zero interest to him.

Seven years later, Dex and Darcy were engaged. On Rachel 30th birthday party, when she and Dex unintentionally got drunk together in a pub, she confessed her feeling to him. The next morning, they woke up together in bed in her apartment. Both cheated on Darcy.

As per my ex crush said, Dex and Rachel could choose to forget what they did, thought it just as one mistake that Darcy shouldn’t have to know. Or come clean to her and move on. But they drowned deeper. The affair became more serious and at the end, he left Darcy and cancelled the wedding. He said he did care about Darcy, he just felt it didn’t fair for her if he was marrying her but his feeling goes for Rachel. He and Rachel ended up together, married with two kids. Both never cheated from each other to date.

Dex once said, people don’t cheat in a healthy relationship. I do agree. If you are happy home, you won’t try to find your happiness outside.

It may hard for you to like the primary characters only by reading this post. But soon after you read the novel yourself, I guess you will. You will like Rachel, but not her passiveness and how she always put herself under Darcy’s shadow. You will also get to know a cool, calm, smart and loveable Dex, and how their affair became interesting to read.

However, Something Borrowed is already in a major motion picture. Actually i watched the movie first then bought the novel. Impressed by themovie was the main reason why I bought this Novel. But after i finished reading it,  I think this movie had violently changed some important part of the novel. Dex character became clueless, and Darcy looked entertaining and less mean on the screen. The reason why Dex chose to continue his wedding and left Rachel heartbroken is cheesy. He’s 34 and can hardly make a decision for himself without interruption from his dad? C’mon!!

After greatly liking Something Borrowed, I also bought two other Emily Giffin’s novels. Here they are:

Something Blue

Story of Darcy, Dex and Rachel from Darcy’s point of view and how did Darcy’s life continue post her break up with Dex. The setting took place mostly in London, starting when Darcy visiting her & Rachel’s childhood friend, Ethan, who now working in London as a writer.

Heart of The Matter

The primary characters are Dex’s sister and her husband, Tessa and Nick Russo, who live in Boston. This couple’s life had changed after a little accident happened on their 7th anniversary. You can take a peek of Dex and Rachel’s life years after their affair in Something Borrowed.

Hello Ghost

source: http://static.koreandrama.us/images/asiandrama1/dramas/3386.jpg

I went to Blitzmegaplex and found this amazing movie, Hello Ghost. It’s a 2010 Korean kinda comedy flick. The story began with Sang Man (Cha Tae Hyun) multiple failures in attempting suicide. He’s an orphan and a lifetime loner. Frustrating with his lonely life is the reason why he wanted to end it.  His attempts might be unsuccessful but soon after he woke up after trying to sink himself, he found out he can see ghosts.

There are 4 ghosts that he sees, a heavy smoker male taxi driver, a pervert old man who loves drinking, a lady who always cries and a little boy who crazies over sweet stuffs. Unluckily (or luckily) for him, these 4 ghosts start following him to everywhere, they even live together with him in his flat.

Then Sang Man goes to paranormal. This paranormal (just like the others) appears eccentric with garments that he brought from mmm let say the monarchy era ;p. He told Sang Man, to get rid of the ghosts he must fulfill their wishes, each of them, completely. And the sweet journey of him and the ghosts begins.

I usually underrated Korean movie that - in my opinion - is not as good as their tv series, but this movie is an exception. It went flat at the beginning but just like ride a rollercoaster, it will make your emotion turn upside down, and when you finish watching it, you’re gonna recommend it to your friends, just like I did ;p

Pssstt….don’t forget to bring tissues ;p

We’ll Keep On Fighting And We’ll Be Here For You, Kiddo

I am the eldest in my family. I have two younger sisters. One is recently graduated from architecture ITB and the youngest is in the process of entering university.

When I was in high school, I was pretty a rebel. At least my family regarded my actions back then as kinds of rebellion. I often slept in the class and skipped several classes whenever I got bored. I was placed 20-ish in the class and my class was not even a favorite.

At the end of my high school time, I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to be in this life. Did I wanna be a doctor, a dentist, a business woman or what? I tried to take PMDK – easy way to enter university if you are a student with great accomplishment along your high school time –, but even though I chose the unpopular major with the fewest participants, I still didn’t succeed.

I went to Bandung and took an one month preparation course to enter university in Ganesha Operation. Every major of study in every public university (or state university?) has a passing grade. We have to do a test (in my time, it was called SPMB, now SNMPTN Tertulis) and if our test score is bigger than the passing grade, we pass and we can enter the university and the major that we had chosen. If it isn’t, then choose private universities with higher education and tuition costs.

That one month I studied quite hard. Since I was lazy in high school, there were very few materials of every subject (like physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics) that I understood. I had to replace my 3 years study time in high school (that I wasted) with one month studied in GO. It was kind of impossible job, but I tried to do my best.

In case I didn’t pass the SPMB, I registered myself to private universities in Bandung. And again, I failed the tests. I did some blunders though. I am not an artist and I don’t have any skill in drawing, but I registered in architecture which the highest point of the test result was got from the drawing test. I failed the second test because I don’t like the university. My aunts and uncles pushed me to do the test so I did it to make them happy. I came to that university, entered the test room, answered not more than 5 questions and went home. Of course I failed ;p

I was a very lazy student in high school, but I did my best when studied in GO. I had been more responsible for my future after living in Bandung. I did the SPMB and after I calculated my score I was confident I could pass it. Alhamdulillah I did it. I didn’t get my first choice, ITB, but Unpad accepted me.

After almost six years of study in geology Unpad, I graduated and now I’m working in an oil company as a geologist. I’m now doing what I like as a job and I’m paid more than enough. People might say I’m lucky and I will say that Allah loves me. My six years in Unpad wasn’t that smooth. If it was smooth, it was gonna be four years not six. My weakness in high school subjects (math, physics, and chemistry) let me to get bad score in my first semester. I got C for math and D for physics and I had to retake those classes the next year ;)

My thesis period also was not easy. But now, when I’m looking back to my past, I'm feeling very grateful. I barely got what I want easily, but in the end I usually still got it. Allah gave me a lot to learn and Allah gives this life for me to fight.

My sisters are different. Delvi was very diligent in high school. She is smart and she already knew what she wanted to be after high school since she was a kid. She wanted to be an architect. She did and passed the test, and voila, she became an architecture student in ITB until she graduated this year. Her journey throughout her time in university wasn’t so easy either. But I’m proud, she finished it.

Chessie, the baby of this family, has another story. This kiddo got first rank along her elementary school period. Her focus was distracted in junior high when she joined marching band but she got it back in high school. She was the best in her class, a favorite class. Her average score for National Exam (UN) was 9.18. She studied really hard because she wants to be a med student in UI. She joined national biology competition in Yogyakarta held by UGM and got bronze medal. She was just a small town student from Balikpapan, competed with participants from most of high schools in Indonesia. The gold and silver medal went to the top high school in big cities like Bandung and Yogyakarta. So, this bronze medal is worth more than its real worth for me.

She is just a small town student with a big dream and big effort to achieve the dream. My effort to enter Unpad was not even a half of her effort to enter UI. I often told her to stop study and continue it tomorrow because it was midnight and she didn’t even close her book yet and went to sleep. SNMPTN Undangan, her first way to enter university announced their result in 17 May 2011. Chessie was not one of the students that passed the selection to enter medicine faculty in UI. She cried a lot and it broke my heart to see her disappointed. She took SNMPTN Tertulis and the result will announce by the end of this month. I pray for her to pass the test. She deserves it.

Passing SNMPTN Tertulis is our Plan A. If it doesn’t work out that way, we have to prepare Plan B. Chessie registers to Simak UI, SMUP Unpad and UM UGM. All to medical faculty. Hope one of them will accept her as their med student. Chessie is a smart girl, and she tries so hard to be a med student. She wants to be a doctor. And she deserves to get her dream come true.

Kiddo, maybe this road isn’t as easy as my road or Delvi’s when entering university. Allah tested me with my laziness and gave me second chance before gave me life that i have today. That is Allah way to show me He loves me. Maybe this is a test from Allah, for you, for our family, before Allah gives you your gift. You are not getting it yet doesn’t  mean you will not get it. You will, insya Allah. We’ll keep on fighting and we’ll always be here for you, supporting you.

Guidance To Get Along Well With Me

Ok, I’m gonna put a junk again into this blog. This is called GUIDANCE TO GET ALONG WELL WITH ME. Ahahahahaha….just reading the title you will know that this is rubbish. I warn you already, so, closing this tab is easy. You decide J

Here are my rules:

1.   I don’t mind if my friends are being friend with my enemy. But I DO mind if my best friends are. Your enemy is mine and my enemy is yours.

2.   When I get trouble from my own mistakes or from whatever it is, I want my best friends to stand still right beside me, tell me my mistakes and help me to make it right. Not blaming me and walking away.

 

3.   If you don’t want me to continuously asking when will you graduate? Or why aren't you pregnant yet? Or any questions that you are bored to death to hear and it starts intimidating you, stop asking me when will I get married? Or reminding me that I haven’t got married yet, or reminding me that I’m 26 and single. I have no answer for that and without your reminder I already know my age and my relationship status.

Thank you for reading my junk post and I am deeply thanking you if you decide to apply my rules to me. It’s the way you respect me and I appreciate that. So, do you have any guidance for me to be your friend?

My Family

Helloooo blog, long time no see...
I've been busy lately doing wellsiting at X area in Musi Banyuasin, South Sumatra. The job was terrific and the people i had met there are amazing. I can't wait for my next assignment there, hopefully very very soon.

Wellsiting was not the only thing that distracted me from you, blog. There's another bigger thing. The arrival of my mommy and my youngest sister, Chessie. They started living with me since a week ago. Delvi also came from Bandung and we reunite in Jakarta. My life has never been more exciting than this. Wish Daddy could join us also. That would make me soooo happy =D. By the way, Delvi also brought us some of our photos from her graduation and I would be very pleased to show you guys, some of them.

So, here they are....

and here's the graduate girl...

she's with our parents

 

The most handsome man in these photos is my Daddy. Can you guess which lady is my Mommy? That wouldn't be an easy job, cos she looks so young, rite? Or we look so old? Errrwwww.....

Every person in these photos is my precious. You mess with one of them means you mess with me. You love and treat them with respect and I will love you even more :)